We all have been affected by the tragedy in Aurora in some way. We can all agree that the victims, their families, the witnesses to the rampage in the theatre and the aftermath are all profoundly affected. Prayers from around the world are made in earnest, but are there any prayers for the killer?
I can feel the outrage in the responses in questioning the active prayers for the killer. Understandably so. For years it has been taught in many cultures an eye for an eye. But, has it been taught to believe that a killer just woke up one day in his happy go lucky Self, his Loving Self that is his connection to the Creator and in his most loving and joyous state of being take the life and maim his brother for the mere sake of doing so? This is not a question of sanity or an excuse to kill or a pardon. It is merely an effort to understand why as a "Nation Under God" do we not exhibit His love; instead we choose an emotional reaction of hate and revenge.
Discernment is necessary in being human, as is having boundaries and consequences. I am not advocating excusing any violent behavior, I am advocating that we see these tragedies as a reminder to send Love to those who do no longer recognize their Source, their Soul nor recognize their Self. Have none of us had a moment of emotional outburst when we behaved in a manner that we regret? Most of us cannot even fathom the depth of the darkness of the mind or emotions that could move a loving being to take such incomprehensible and appalling actions. We have never personally experienced anything of this magnitude, therefore, for us, we choose to believe that if we did not experience it, it cannot be.
Quite limiting in our loving nature, isn't it? To wish that another human being was pure evil and in his loving mind and heart chose monstrous and wicked behavior against another. In truth, the idea that other human beings are evil and perhaps sitting next to me on a bus or in a stadium is quite more frightening and disheartening than the thought that humans that are profoundly affected could lose their ability to love and reason.
To love and reason. Love is originates in the heart, in Spirit. To reason is a function of the Mind. Yes, it definitely is an issue that the suspect meticulously planned out this entire nightmare, therefore leaving us to question the validity of his innocence by insanity. We can be assured that his defense will defend him in the light that he was delusional during the planning and the systemic attack.
We can agree that the suspect should not walk among us in our daily lives. We can agree that his actions are in the very least reprehensible. The question is can we as a "Nation Under God" begin to pray for the Soul and Spirit of this man? Can we feel and know in our hearts that to help one man is to help ourselves? We are not praising him, excusing him nor are we pardoning him. We are praying for ourselves. Should anyone of us ever have a moment that we need the Grace of God and for others to understand our humanness, would not this be the same?
Humanity requires us to show people how to love, not to tell them to do it. Humanity requires all of us to forgive which is not to condone, nor forget, nor accept- forgiving is for the sake of Self as well as the sake of all humanity. Why would we choose to hold onto hate and hostility? These emotions serve only to bring us down. We can hold another accountable in our system without allowing ourselves to be beguiled by fear and live in hate. To live this way- in tremendous fear and hate is not only unhealthy, it is not the intent of our human experience. These emotions are polar to our innate loving selves and our connection to our Creator,our Source or our God.
Many scriptures come to mind as well as non-religious tenets, but they need not be cited. What is important to hear and to feel is your own Truth. This can be done when you sit in solitude, allowing the mind to rest as it is part of our Ego and personality, you want to feel and hear the Soul and Spirit. In the moments of connecting to your Creator and your loving Self allow yourself to feel your love, your Truth and the direction you must take. What would truly benefit not only you, but all of humanity in these trying times.
In silence we must also ask, do we wish to be part of the solution or do we wish to continue doing business as it has always been done, reaping the same results as it always has? Is Mother Earth and humanity in a better place? Only if we help it.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Serving Humanity is Silent
I am planning to live to be 120 years old which gives me 43,800 days to spend. Too bad I could not live on one dollar a day. I am grateful that I have so many days, but should I have miscalculated and I only live to be 80, my bank of days would only be 29,200. Do I wish to spend each day existing or living? What is living? I could utter today's buzzwords and believe that I should live my life's purpose, my mission and I should raise my consciousness. I could merely be happy by being grateful for each breath that I take that defines the fact that I am indeed still alive. I am sure that if I took all of these ideals, ideas, values and understandings they would all be in the mix of what I should be doing with my life, but is it enough and do I really live this way?
What does it mean to raise our consciousness? Does it mean our own consciousness, all of humanity's or just the consciousness of those who follow our rules? Where do we raise them to? Do we define this as bringing our soul to consciousness or do we understand that we are Light or Love and whose definition? Is there a higher aspiration than raising consciousness? What is my mission? As I follow discussions on these issues one thing becomes very clear to me, we are searching for these answers. We ask others, we read books and we attend workshops and fly to another city to hear someone we trust entirely to tell us what it is that we need to hear.
Why is it that so many need to hear what it is that should be done, or felt or thought? We do know that there are many people that have these needs. These people have been directed for so long that they no longer have the ability to think or feel for themselves. I often think of how George Orwell used animals in Animal Farm to depict how our society functions. In doing so, he astutely paints the picture of those animals who want to be fed and taken care of, but do not do well unless someone else is leading the barnyard and giving directions. The big question is why do these animals or these humans in real life live in fear and chose to relinquish their responsibilities for self? How do we eradicate that fear and what do we replace that fear with?
There are so many loving souls that do live by their values and walk in their purpose. These wonderful people generously give to help others discover their true calling, find Self Love, find their life's purpose, their soul's mission, raise their consciousness, find God and maybe simply improve themselves and their lives. We have wonderful Life Coaches, mediums, healers and members of the Clergy who dedicate themselves to helping others find what it is that they alone cannot. This is wonderful. This is empowering and it is selfless. For many this is a calling and I respect it as so. I hold gratitude for this work and those who do it.
We have all of this help for those who recognize that they need it. After finding an answer or being helped in one's life, does one continue to look for answers and continue to seek growth? I was provoked to think about these concerns after attending an appearance of a beloved teacher of many this past weekend. I had never heard of him before, but I drove a good friend into the city to hear his words as she had been his student for many years. A man behind me asked me why I was attending and followed my response by admonishing me that I had no right to hear this man as I did not have Knowledge. The rest of this conversation I shall leave for the next blog, but for this moment is needs to be written that this is an example of my question, my concern, my point. I listened to those around me for two hours and I discovered that for them, this man, his words, his direction was the only Way. The only source of the answers to what they were seeking.
As I waited in the venue for my friend to finish her volunteer work, I watched the audience with interest. Some attendees could not escape fast enough. I had my feet stomped on and I was knocked to the side by another older woman. I stood at the landing of the steps and continued taking in the atmosphere. I was expecting more people to be patient, smiling, courteous and calm as they excited the seating areas. Certainly, we had all just been moved to live in our Hearts and to be loving. Yet, though many of those rushing out to their cars and hotels had already forgotten the words. I took solace in those who smiled as they passed, radiating joy and love. My friend approached, her eyes dancing with joy, she glowed; it was beyond happiness, it was a white light emitting from her energy. The answer to my question.
I wondered if we continued to seek what it was we were missing. I contemplated about those who never consider the subject. I wanted to know if the people who thought about each day as a wondrous gift, actively and purposefully live their life to the fullest. The most probable answer is that many do, many do not, but it is definitely not something to fear. Remembering that we are all connected, we are all of Source must be felt and understood in terms of all humanity, even those not of our faith and those who do not feel worthy. Those who left the venue smiling and radiating already were Knowing, they already understood that continuing to live in Word is the way. They did not question their work nor did they seem concerned about how many they could affect in a loving way. They remember that each time that anyone of us lifts up one human being, including ourselves, we lift up all of humanity. We cannot choose whom to lift nor may we judge others to be exempt of our love, our gifts, our healing and our Light. To live each day as if it were the most wondrous gift is the present to humanity. It does not matter how humanity learns to live and those who understand know that their work and their efforts to advance humanity does not require recognition, nor do they need it. All that matters is the way they choose to spend their day.
What does it mean to raise our consciousness? Does it mean our own consciousness, all of humanity's or just the consciousness of those who follow our rules? Where do we raise them to? Do we define this as bringing our soul to consciousness or do we understand that we are Light or Love and whose definition? Is there a higher aspiration than raising consciousness? What is my mission? As I follow discussions on these issues one thing becomes very clear to me, we are searching for these answers. We ask others, we read books and we attend workshops and fly to another city to hear someone we trust entirely to tell us what it is that we need to hear.
Why is it that so many need to hear what it is that should be done, or felt or thought? We do know that there are many people that have these needs. These people have been directed for so long that they no longer have the ability to think or feel for themselves. I often think of how George Orwell used animals in Animal Farm to depict how our society functions. In doing so, he astutely paints the picture of those animals who want to be fed and taken care of, but do not do well unless someone else is leading the barnyard and giving directions. The big question is why do these animals or these humans in real life live in fear and chose to relinquish their responsibilities for self? How do we eradicate that fear and what do we replace that fear with?
There are so many loving souls that do live by their values and walk in their purpose. These wonderful people generously give to help others discover their true calling, find Self Love, find their life's purpose, their soul's mission, raise their consciousness, find God and maybe simply improve themselves and their lives. We have wonderful Life Coaches, mediums, healers and members of the Clergy who dedicate themselves to helping others find what it is that they alone cannot. This is wonderful. This is empowering and it is selfless. For many this is a calling and I respect it as so. I hold gratitude for this work and those who do it.
We have all of this help for those who recognize that they need it. After finding an answer or being helped in one's life, does one continue to look for answers and continue to seek growth? I was provoked to think about these concerns after attending an appearance of a beloved teacher of many this past weekend. I had never heard of him before, but I drove a good friend into the city to hear his words as she had been his student for many years. A man behind me asked me why I was attending and followed my response by admonishing me that I had no right to hear this man as I did not have Knowledge. The rest of this conversation I shall leave for the next blog, but for this moment is needs to be written that this is an example of my question, my concern, my point. I listened to those around me for two hours and I discovered that for them, this man, his words, his direction was the only Way. The only source of the answers to what they were seeking.
As I waited in the venue for my friend to finish her volunteer work, I watched the audience with interest. Some attendees could not escape fast enough. I had my feet stomped on and I was knocked to the side by another older woman. I stood at the landing of the steps and continued taking in the atmosphere. I was expecting more people to be patient, smiling, courteous and calm as they excited the seating areas. Certainly, we had all just been moved to live in our Hearts and to be loving. Yet, though many of those rushing out to their cars and hotels had already forgotten the words. I took solace in those who smiled as they passed, radiating joy and love. My friend approached, her eyes dancing with joy, she glowed; it was beyond happiness, it was a white light emitting from her energy. The answer to my question.
I wondered if we continued to seek what it was we were missing. I contemplated about those who never consider the subject. I wanted to know if the people who thought about each day as a wondrous gift, actively and purposefully live their life to the fullest. The most probable answer is that many do, many do not, but it is definitely not something to fear. Remembering that we are all connected, we are all of Source must be felt and understood in terms of all humanity, even those not of our faith and those who do not feel worthy. Those who left the venue smiling and radiating already were Knowing, they already understood that continuing to live in Word is the way. They did not question their work nor did they seem concerned about how many they could affect in a loving way. They remember that each time that anyone of us lifts up one human being, including ourselves, we lift up all of humanity. We cannot choose whom to lift nor may we judge others to be exempt of our love, our gifts, our healing and our Light. To live each day as if it were the most wondrous gift is the present to humanity. It does not matter how humanity learns to live and those who understand know that their work and their efforts to advance humanity does not require recognition, nor do they need it. All that matters is the way they choose to spend their day.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Dear son - my firstborn and treasured child,
Gazing upon the picture of you and your girlfriend I see sheer happiness and love. Your eyes dance, even in the pouring rain. For the first time in many years, I see the little boy who loves life. I write this letter to you, not to relay my approval, but to hopefully further open the door to your heart and to release all fears of abandonment, release all pain incurred by eroneous misunderstandings and to release all misconceptions of how a loved one behaves toward another. I am not in your daily life enabling me to have these parental discussions with you, maybe in time I will be.
You have heard many things about me, many of those you are unaware of my knowledge of them. Ah, your mind asks how could I know about them? Your lack of communication, your body language when you have just spent time with certain individuals, your defensiveness on those occasions and the mere fact that you seem to have only one parent and it does not seem to be me. I am exceptionally insightful, perceptive and quite often I am given these truths.
There is nothing that I can defend or say. You see, to defend myself would be to speak truthfully about individuals which would not only place you in the middle by both parents actions, it would also cause you greater pain than you already are experiencing. To share with you the truths behind my actions would be just as destructive. It is not my intent to ask you choose sides nor is it my intent to place upon you the heavy burden truth that should remain only between the two individuals that it belongs to.
My loving son, you are the most compassionate, loving, giving human being. You are always more than fair to others, maybe sometimes to the point you are not fair to yourself. You are a peacemaker. I am sorry to have made peace in your presence to the exclusion of loving myself. I believed that keeping peace at all cost was protecting all three of you children to learn that I really was teaching you to sell yourself out at all costs. Please forgive me.
Looking back I recollect the days, nights and weekends that I did not see you during the tumultuous times. It was not because I abandoned you or was not there- I was. Your brother and sister were with me always. Holidays, during your games and wrestling matches, before school and after. Each school day I would be with them doing laundry, cooking dinner, assisting with homework and even cleaning the house. My departure from Lovell Gulch was always just before you came home, not out of not wanting to see you, but because of my need to have safe departure and to ensure calm seas for the three of you. I missed you then so terribly. The pain was unbearable prompting me to move back in after the divorce thinking that being a mother was far more important than anything I would have to endure.
Son, I never left you. I was demanded to leave the first time. Having already found the phone numbers, home addresses and phone bills, I accepted that your father had already moved on and was dating while we were married was not conducive to fighting to stay that horrible night that you overheard his command. So much happened behind closed doors, so much happened outside of your home. It is not something I wish to inflict upon you nor re-live by writing it to you. For so long, I thought you would ask questions so I kept boxes and boxes of evidence of my innocence. I often hoped you would want to know, you would question what you were told. Now, it doesn't matter.
You matter - what you know doesn't matter. I trust in you, your love, your Spirit. You see son, I have seen the "knowing" in you. I have witnessed your heart and your ability to love, love yourself and others. I have felt your Spirit. I have had the honor of knowing that you kept a promise given on a deathbed demonstrating your integrity. You have worked for goals with perserverance, determination and intense focus. You have given to others out of extreme compassion without ever a thought of what was in it for you. You are one of the most honest people I know. I am very blessed to witness your Spirit in life.
I remember observing you "knowing" things small children do not know, reading the Bible which seemed to be inspired from some need within and I remember so many occasions when you would speak the truth as you experienced it. There were times I vividly remember watching with great awe and shock as I witnessed the verbal lashing you would receive as you stood standing bravely in your truthfulness, the vehemently spoken words thrown at you changing your reality, your knowing.
Having your paradigm or your reality shifted is not an accusation of weakness nor considered a fault. It is an incredible manipulation of the mind. I could see it. I understand it because I lived it myself. To explain it more clearly son, it could be likened to Doublethink and Doublespeak as demonstrated in George Orwell's, 1984. This is not something one is aware of, it is subtle. It is a learned behavior. It follows the belief and statement often used, "A good defense is a good offense." I often blamed myself from not saving you from this experience, yet, with time, I have learned that it was not my place to do so. No more than it was my mother's place to save me from it either. What is important is what I now do as a mother to assist your healing.
As I pray daily with the intention of your healing and strength I pray for courage that you may feel your Soul, know thy Spirit, to feel your heart so full of love, I do not pray with the intention to change your reality. It is my intention to ask your forgiveness as I have not been successful in winning the ability to stay in your life and by doing so, help you to stay true to your soul, your truth.
Dear son, I do not wish to ever hash "he said she said". I do not wish to ever discuss the past and have never desired to, at least in the past six years. It is why I have always remained silent. As a lawyer you know that the innocent does not need to prove their innocence, the accuser must bear the responsibility of proving one's guilt. I do not need to prove my innocence, and should I have wanted to prove anyone's guilt I had ample boxes of ammunition. Yet, I stayed silent. I still do. You are that important to me.
Your life, your being is so very important to me. So much so, that as I have written in the beginning that to impart your parents truth upon you would be to impart harsh, unbearable pain. I have lived those truths, it is unnecessary for you to live them. You have your own dark moments to endure and live through. All that I desire is to be your mother. I wish to be allowed to shower you with attention, love, gifts and support. I long to hold you, hug you and share your most joyous moments as well as those which cause you grief. I pine to be let in. I seek to be released from punishment of a crime not committed and above all, again, to be your mother.
You have heard many things about me, many of those you are unaware of my knowledge of them. Ah, your mind asks how could I know about them? Your lack of communication, your body language when you have just spent time with certain individuals, your defensiveness on those occasions and the mere fact that you seem to have only one parent and it does not seem to be me. I am exceptionally insightful, perceptive and quite often I am given these truths.
There is nothing that I can defend or say. You see, to defend myself would be to speak truthfully about individuals which would not only place you in the middle by both parents actions, it would also cause you greater pain than you already are experiencing. To share with you the truths behind my actions would be just as destructive. It is not my intent to ask you choose sides nor is it my intent to place upon you the heavy burden truth that should remain only between the two individuals that it belongs to.
My loving son, you are the most compassionate, loving, giving human being. You are always more than fair to others, maybe sometimes to the point you are not fair to yourself. You are a peacemaker. I am sorry to have made peace in your presence to the exclusion of loving myself. I believed that keeping peace at all cost was protecting all three of you children to learn that I really was teaching you to sell yourself out at all costs. Please forgive me.
Looking back I recollect the days, nights and weekends that I did not see you during the tumultuous times. It was not because I abandoned you or was not there- I was. Your brother and sister were with me always. Holidays, during your games and wrestling matches, before school and after. Each school day I would be with them doing laundry, cooking dinner, assisting with homework and even cleaning the house. My departure from Lovell Gulch was always just before you came home, not out of not wanting to see you, but because of my need to have safe departure and to ensure calm seas for the three of you. I missed you then so terribly. The pain was unbearable prompting me to move back in after the divorce thinking that being a mother was far more important than anything I would have to endure.
Son, I never left you. I was demanded to leave the first time. Having already found the phone numbers, home addresses and phone bills, I accepted that your father had already moved on and was dating while we were married was not conducive to fighting to stay that horrible night that you overheard his command. So much happened behind closed doors, so much happened outside of your home. It is not something I wish to inflict upon you nor re-live by writing it to you. For so long, I thought you would ask questions so I kept boxes and boxes of evidence of my innocence. I often hoped you would want to know, you would question what you were told. Now, it doesn't matter.
You matter - what you know doesn't matter. I trust in you, your love, your Spirit. You see son, I have seen the "knowing" in you. I have witnessed your heart and your ability to love, love yourself and others. I have felt your Spirit. I have had the honor of knowing that you kept a promise given on a deathbed demonstrating your integrity. You have worked for goals with perserverance, determination and intense focus. You have given to others out of extreme compassion without ever a thought of what was in it for you. You are one of the most honest people I know. I am very blessed to witness your Spirit in life.
I remember observing you "knowing" things small children do not know, reading the Bible which seemed to be inspired from some need within and I remember so many occasions when you would speak the truth as you experienced it. There were times I vividly remember watching with great awe and shock as I witnessed the verbal lashing you would receive as you stood standing bravely in your truthfulness, the vehemently spoken words thrown at you changing your reality, your knowing.
Having your paradigm or your reality shifted is not an accusation of weakness nor considered a fault. It is an incredible manipulation of the mind. I could see it. I understand it because I lived it myself. To explain it more clearly son, it could be likened to Doublethink and Doublespeak as demonstrated in George Orwell's, 1984. This is not something one is aware of, it is subtle. It is a learned behavior. It follows the belief and statement often used, "A good defense is a good offense." I often blamed myself from not saving you from this experience, yet, with time, I have learned that it was not my place to do so. No more than it was my mother's place to save me from it either. What is important is what I now do as a mother to assist your healing.
As I pray daily with the intention of your healing and strength I pray for courage that you may feel your Soul, know thy Spirit, to feel your heart so full of love, I do not pray with the intention to change your reality. It is my intention to ask your forgiveness as I have not been successful in winning the ability to stay in your life and by doing so, help you to stay true to your soul, your truth.
Dear son, I do not wish to ever hash "he said she said". I do not wish to ever discuss the past and have never desired to, at least in the past six years. It is why I have always remained silent. As a lawyer you know that the innocent does not need to prove their innocence, the accuser must bear the responsibility of proving one's guilt. I do not need to prove my innocence, and should I have wanted to prove anyone's guilt I had ample boxes of ammunition. Yet, I stayed silent. I still do. You are that important to me.
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