It is amazing that there are people who knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. I knew what I wanted to do, but I did not know that it was indeed a career or that I should not be concerned about what others may say about my choice. One wonders how many vibrant, talented and gifted youth have this same problem. Another barrier for those seeking their dreams are the ones created by comments made by others or by parents and teachers. A child who wants to be an actor is made fun of or a teenager who really wants to be a sports commentator is told, "How many sports commentators are there? A few. Pick a career that you can get into." as opposed to saying, "You have what it takes to be one of the few, let me help you plan your goal."
How often has a gesture, facial expression or even a snort caused you to recoil and close up over an issue far less important than your life? You may be choosing something as simple as a hat or a pair of shoes, but someones reaction caused you to back off. Most un-noticed, yet the most damaging of barriers are the comments made by those in your family or social circle about others. Somewhere in the back of our minds we hold these comments as a reminder that our family and friends, too, will pass judgment upon us. Avoiding confrontations or judgment from strangers often creates barriers just as strong as those created by those close to us. Sometimes we fail to overcome these barriers and fears when it is most necessary such as with the young girl who was beaten by other teens as security personnel and travelers looked on without any attempts to help her. Just recently I, too, may have done the very same as the those who just watched this helpless girl.
A mother was letting her two young boys descend upon two other young boys in the post office with blows to their bodies with fists and ninja kicks. The aggressors then continued to run through the legs of the patrons with heavy parcels in their arms walking through. The two young victims looked to their mother with tears. It was heartbreaking to see the mother of the preschool terrorists simply smile and say, "boys, what can you do?" as if that were explanation enough.
I stood there gaping and I know a look of bewilderment. Should I have had the courage to ask the mother if she felt is was appropriate for her sons to behave like bullies? Should I have come to the rescue of the mother who did not know how to respond to the Ninja mom? Perhaps Ninja mom did not know that children who are raised without boundaries are prey for preditors. In her silence and acceptance, does she see her sons behaviors as a sign that they are socially developed and responsible and no longer in need her guidance? As a silent bystander was I giving my approval and acceptance to her behavior as well as the unwanted behavior of the two preschoolers who were now twisting the arms of the polite little boys and laughing about it?
Witnessing the acceptance of this cruel behavior provoked the vision of the preschoolers at ages 10 and 16. Finding power in hurting others as a child is part of the ego, but as children develop and grow they learn to control and balance their ego a their SELF for their own sake and the sake of others. Our role as parents is not to spawn them and let live and find themselves. Responsible parenting is teaching them how to find self as opposed to allowing the Id, the Ego of the child find and control them. Parenting is a process that requires us to use every opportunity that presents itself to teach our children about themself-self, life, choices. To honor and love a child is the way to teach him/her to honor and love him/her self.
How many times have I stood and watched with utter despair as a parent failed their child by re-enforcing a behavior that was not just socially unacceptable, but detrimental to the personal growth of the child. Children learn to nurture and love others through and by parents which nurture and love them. Sometimes, loving a child means not allowing undesireable behavior. Even more, boundaries and the word no can show more love than a new toy or few bucks. A middle school student once remarked that her parents could not possibly love her because they let her ride her bike on Highway 24 from her home into town; which was dangerous and not even ridden by avid bikers in the area. She equated her parents unwillingness to say no to her as to how much they loved her or in this case, did not love her.
Parenting is like coaching, every play is a coaching opportunity. As a society we understand this and accept it. Approaching parenting in the same vein is an effective process. Parenting is just not disciplining, it is asking questions about how a child feels about what they experienced or what they saw. Parenting is helping a child learn to discern emotions from self and fact from opinion.
Can we as a society- as humans- accept someones concern for our children without prejudice? Do we help each other parent without concern of hositilities? When is it acceptable and desired to help a parent "see" parenting?
My mind continued to mull the situation over in the post office as the mother continued to relinquish her responsiblities of keeping her boys safe. I mentally made a note that this issue would be one I must ponder, examine and meditate on. Am I too,as a human being, responsible for the behavior or safety of those around me? Do I honor their life, their future? Is it the mental barrier that I would be meddling that is creating this dilemma within myself? Is it the comments of those standing around or the gestures that prevent us all from taking action? Is that what happened in that subway where the girl was beaten by other teens while adults looked on?
Or, as when we were children does fear of what others will think of us or say to us that compels us to disregard our selves when making choices that represent who we are, what we want to be? Does fear drive us to discard our faith in service to others? Perhaps it is time to leave my ego and be my Self. Honor thy Self. Honor life and all that is and having faith that I act out of respect, compassion and service.
