There are moments when I truly miss the simple life. Memories of dressing the baby, hanging out diapers and tending the garden bring great joy. I can feel the simplicity of life back then and I close my eyes to capture the essence of those glorious moments.
What did I do so differently? Was I different? Did I manage things differently? The answer is yes to each of those questions. I was the same person, but I was different. I manage my schedule the same way but, now, I manage things differently. I do things differently and yet, the same way as then.
The difference of now and then to each of these questions lies within my heart. I always chose to see the sunshine, the smiles, the abundance of my garden and it's healthy rewards. Though, I continue to see smiles and sunshine, I have allowed life's hardships to cloud them over. I allow the expectations of others to be my expectations. There are times that I have unjustly allowed the harsh judgments of others for the sake of controlling or hurting become my measurements of myself. Yet, I am still me.
In moments when I feel that life is too complicated, I close my eyes and in my mind I travel back further and put myself in my mind and heart as a child. Christmas trees were put up in our bedrooms in July with a branch of an evergreen and paper decorations. I played with played baseball and Tonka trucks with the boys in the neighborhood and played Barbies with the girls. While reading a book, I would become and live the lives of the characters. I would escape my child's life and allow myself to live and feel the hearts of others.
As I re-live these memories, I allow my soul to feel my child's heart. As a child, I lived and played with abandonment,without concern for the thoughts of others . I always cared for their feelings, but their thoughts were left with them. A child's world is caught up in the present moment. Tomorrow is forever away, not even a glimpse of it rests within the mind. Yesterday is over, the joys remain, the pain forgotten and forgiven. The only thing that mattered was playing in the very moment. If it were raining, find a joy around it: ride a water sled made of cardboard in the gushing current down the middle of the street or cut up the Sears and Penneys catalogues and make doll houses in cardboard boxes. The sunshine was for exploring the woods and discovering new plants in the neighbors gardens.
My child's mind understands rules and responsibilities and lives up to them; it just didn't stay focused on them. So, why do I allow this adult version of my child's mind to be strapped in a high chair and fed restraints in the forms of opinions of others and assumptions that I have clearly made up? I practice staying in this child mind and then I prepare to return to present with the intention of finding simplicity, joy and sunshine in each moment.
The world is mine to create. The world as I wish to experience it that is. I wish to only see the sunshine, the joy, the beautiful artwork of God. I continue to find joy in the rewards of making others happy in my work; that is why I have chosen my work. I choose to not worry about the future or live in the past. Even the pressing responsibilities receive only the attention they need to resolve them in the high standards that I live by. For those who are in pain or poor health, my compassion is turned to prayer and love for their sake.
My child's mind wants to play. It wants to continue to explore and see all challenges as only obstacles that need to be jumped, like a puddle in the rain. The little girl still wants to have fun, ride the cardboard down the gully-washers and find peace, serenity, joy and wonder in pleasing only herself. It is my child's mind that inspires not only myself, but those around me. In truth, making yourself happy in turn makes others happy. Simplicity is simple. It only requirs love for yourself; caring for yourself and living, breathing and focusing only on this moment.
