Chaos Gives Birth to Bozo, the Brunette

   The first red flag at the hairdresser's should have been the fact the guy had too many time slots to choose from at the last minute, the second should have been that he turned my back to the mirror. I walked in a blonde and came out a bozo doo brunette and all my mind can come up with is either he is color-blind and helpless with scissors or he is a sadist toward women. Considering how hard he yanked on my hair with a comb pulling handfuls of hair out, as well as the painful shampoo followed by a cold rinse, I am leaning towards the idea that he does not like women.


   I truly blame myself. No, I am not a victim or taking any blame off the cold, giant, color-blind hairdresser. I should have held him at scissor point and forced him to rinse the goop of death out of my hair when I  discovered that he had applied it to most of my hair when I only came in to have the gray roots treated. I should have taken control of hairdresser's chair when he turned my back to the mirror and he began to beat my hair and head with his brush of toxic chemicals.  So, why didn't I? Why didn't I jump out of the chair and rip that brush out of his hand and challenge him to a duo?


  Old habits of being a maker of peace die hard. Forty-two years of conditioning and brainwashing cannot be un-learned overnight as much as we wish they were. Loving oneself requires being gentle, understanding and patient. Being your own advocate requires constant mindfulness to remain a self advocate.  Most of the time I can remain aware of myself, my need to stand up to adversity in flesh form. The Attack of Hair Monster was not one of those times. Sometimes, I feel like the rat who has successfully jumped out of the maze and fell back in for a momentary dose of yesteryear. A dose of chaos. Chaos can be extremely motivational.


   According to ancient mythology, Chaos gave birth to Gaia and Eros without a mate. Gaia (Earth) gave birth to Uranus (heaven or sky). Gaia, Eros and Uranus- All That Is. Chaos gave birth to all that is. Chaos still continues to sweep in to our lives taking charge of things and re-directing our plans for ourselves. It has been chaos that has forced me to follow my path, my purpose. I imagine it is pretty much true for most of us.  No one has ever woken up on a bright, sunny morning and said, "Wow! Life is grand. It is without pain, detours and problems. I think I will work on being a better person, making better decisions, walk with God."  No, pretty much, we have to feel pain to change. This is none of those things thrown right at you. Thank you, Chaos. Another curve ball.


   I cannot say the ditsy, brunette doo itself was and is entirely painful. Not being listened to, asked, consulted or pampered was painful. Truthfully, no one pays big money to have their hair done without expecting to be pampered, otherwise they would do it theirselves.  I would do my own doo if it were not for the pampering. What will my inner Goddess do now? She likes herself just the way God made her, but without gray roots.


    My Inner Goddess is going to ride shotgun with this strange brunette woman over to the salon next week on the one and only day that the owner is in. Before my Inner Goddess allows Bozo the Brunette to leave the house, she is going to remind her of how the Giant Bully tried to charge her for blow drying her hair as she stood at the counter with a dripping, wet fro. Just before she opens the salon door to meet the owner, Bozo the Brunette will look at a picture of herself with blonde hair giving her all the strength and couage of David.  My Inner Goddess has fallen in love with my power, my self-perseverance. She knows that if I am going to continue to become strong in myself, if I am to re-claim my power,  I have to address the "little" issues as well as the big bullies. I really like my Inner Goddess. No, I love her.

  

  

Self, Ego, Barriers and Responsibility

It is amazing that there are people who knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. I knew what I wanted to do, but I did not know that it was indeed a career or that I should not be concerned about what others may say about my choice. One wonders how many vibrant, talented and gifted youth have this same problem. Another barrier for those seeking their dreams are the ones created by comments made by others or by parents and teachers. A child who wants to be an actor is made fun of or a teenager who really wants to be a sports commentator is told, "How many sports commentators are there? A few. Pick a career that you can get into." as opposed to saying, "You have what it takes to be one of the few, let me help you plan your goal."

How often has a gesture, facial expression or even a snort caused you to recoil and close up over an issue far less important than your life? You may be choosing something as simple as a hat or a pair of shoes, but someones reaction caused you to back off. Most un-noticed, yet the most damaging of barriers are the comments made by those in your family or social circle about others. Somewhere in the back of our minds we hold these comments as a reminder that our family and friends, too, will pass judgment upon us. Avoiding confrontations or judgment from strangers often creates barriers just as strong as those created by those close to us. Sometimes we fail to overcome these barriers and fears when it is most necessary such as with the young girl who was beaten by other teens as security personnel and travelers looked on without any attempts to help her. Just recently I, too, may have done the very same as the those who just watched this helpless girl.

A mother was letting her two young boys descend upon two other young boys in the post office with blows to their bodies with fists and ninja kicks. The aggressors then continued to run through the legs of the patrons with heavy parcels in their arms walking through. The two young victims looked to their mother with tears. It was heartbreaking to see the mother of the preschool terrorists simply smile and say, "boys, what can you do?" as if that were explanation enough.

I stood there gaping and I know a look of bewilderment. Should I have had the courage to ask the mother if she felt is was appropriate for her sons to behave like bullies? Should I have come to the rescue of the mother who did not know how to respond to the Ninja mom? Perhaps Ninja mom did not know that children who are raised without boundaries are prey for preditors. In her silence and acceptance, does she see her sons behaviors as a sign that they are socially developed and responsible and no longer in need her guidance? As a silent bystander was I giving my approval and acceptance to her behavior as well as the unwanted behavior of the two preschoolers who were now twisting the arms of the polite little boys and laughing about it?

Witnessing the acceptance of this cruel behavior provoked the vision of the preschoolers at ages 10 and 16. Finding power in hurting others as a child is part of the ego, but as children develop and grow they learn to control and balance their ego a their SELF for their own sake and the sake of others. Our role as parents is not to spawn them and let live and find themselves. Responsible parenting is teaching them how to find self as opposed to allowing the Id, the Ego of the child find and control them. Parenting is a process that requires us to use every opportunity that presents itself to teach our children about themself-self, life, choices. To honor and love a child is the way to teach him/her to honor and love him/her self.

How many times have I stood and watched with utter despair as a parent failed their child by re-enforcing a behavior that was not just socially unacceptable, but detrimental to the personal growth of the child. Children learn to nurture and love others through and by parents which nurture and love them. Sometimes, loving a child means not allowing undesireable behavior. Even more, boundaries and the word no can show more love than a new toy or few bucks. A middle school student once remarked that her parents could not possibly love her because they let her ride her bike on Highway 24 from her home into town; which was dangerous and not even ridden by avid bikers in the area. She equated her parents unwillingness to say no to her as to how much they loved her or in this case, did not love her.

Parenting is like coaching, every play is a coaching opportunity. As a society we understand this and accept it. Approaching parenting in the same vein is an effective process. Parenting is just not disciplining, it is asking questions about how a child feels about what they experienced or what they saw. Parenting is helping a child learn to discern emotions from self and fact from opinion.

Can we as a society- as humans- accept someones concern for our children without prejudice? Do we help each other parent without concern of hositilities? When is it acceptable and desired to help a parent "see" parenting?

My mind continued to mull the situation over in the post office as the mother continued to relinquish her responsiblities of keeping her boys safe. I mentally made a note that this issue would be one I must ponder, examine and meditate on. Am I too,as a human being, responsible for the behavior or safety of those around me? Do I honor their life, their future? Is it the mental barrier that I would be meddling that is creating this dilemma within myself? Is it the comments of those standing around or the gestures that prevent us all from taking action? Is that what happened in that subway where the girl was beaten by other teens while adults looked on?

Or, as when we were children does fear of what others will think of us or say to us that compels us to disregard our selves when making choices that represent who we are, what we want to be? Does fear drive us to discard our faith in service to others? Perhaps it is time to leave my ego and be my Self. Honor thy Self. Honor life and all that is and having faith that I act out of respect, compassion and service.